Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
