I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
