I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
