I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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