I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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