Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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