Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
