We're like a lot better than the average bears
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
