I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
