She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
A bitchslap is in order.
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