Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You took a bar mat shot.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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