Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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