It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
