The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
