I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
