I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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