The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
These tits shall not be calmed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
