You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
