before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think i have two assholes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
