I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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