Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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