it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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