did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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