You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
