dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
