real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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