did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
