i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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