Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
