Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
