Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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