He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
