garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
