thus making me awesome and them whores
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am spending my child support on dildos
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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