I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
