I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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