I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
