I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
