How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
