i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
