??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just pee around me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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