I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
bring money and cleavage
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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