Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
