my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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