I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
