I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
