Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
