Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize