We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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