Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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