When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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