she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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