I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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