brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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