It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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