apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
