Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
